on a limerkick

one a day keeps the doldrums away

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This is my college friend, Dunc.He’s something of an academic monk.His musings are numerousAnd often quite humorousIn this picture, no one is drunk. 

This is my college friend, Dunc.
He’s something of an academic monk.
His musings are numerous
And often quite humorous
In this picture, no one is drunk. 

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Rec-loose

If it was possible to cancel, he did.
If a pretty girl walked by, he hid.
There’s not so much resistance
When the world is at a distance. 
Deeper into his computer he slid.

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Bit Roles

I’m knocking on Hollywood’s backdoor

Hanging ‘round craft like a goddamned snack whore

Filling hours of void

With sneak peeks at my Droid

'Tis the life of an expiring actor.

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Sylvester

(Here he is about to sing Anatevka.)

When Stallone was younger and lid’ler

He starred in a production of Fiddler

He couldn’t really sing

But there was a wind ‘neath his wing

In a sassy young jew named Bette Midler

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scheduling woes

It isn’t the “can’ts” and the “maybes”

It’s the “sures!” that seem to get rabies

Yes, cancel if you must

But now my whole night’s a bust

Why is pouting only OK for babies?

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Lemonade Economics

"Boys, could you be any sweeter?!

But my checkbook does totter and teeter

I know you planned on me buyin’ -

Oh, darlins please don’t start cryin’!”

"But now we don’t have no money eeder!"

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ignorance

I admit - I don’t know about sports

Spare me your incredulous snorts

I don’t care, I don’t care

I can’t make myself care

Now excuse me while I eat chocolate tortes

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submitted by Emilia Sweetheart

Meow-scuse me? Don’t pick me up! Ouch!

I’m freaked out, you crazy old grouch.

'cause there's a moth on the floor

And a dog fight next door

Now, if you need me, I’ll be inside the couch.

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A New Yorker in LA

The lemons are ripe for the pickens

The elderly are surgical spring chickens

But I sure do miss

The smells of bagels and piss

And friends, funnier than the dickens

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An old man lay dying in Slovenia

He was rich, but bug-eyed and mean, yah.

"I vill leave to you son

ze house, pool, ze gun

And zis bout of hereditary scitzophrenia!”

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Michael Kayne

That Michael Kayne is really a stitch!

And he could sing his way out of a ditch

He founded Harry and Conrad,

A most foul-mouthed new dad

How I miss that son of a bitch.