November 2010
4 posts
Tuna canoodle catastrophe
A tuna fish married a horse
They served seaweed and rolled oats of course
‘til that drunken bride filly
Drained the pond (“To be silly!”)
Ending in a slippery and messy divorce.
Bit Roles
I’m knocking on Hollywood’s backdoor
Hanging ‘round craft like a goddamned snack whore
Filling hours of void
With sneak peeks at my Droid
‘Tis the life of an expiring actor.
Sylvester
(Here he is about to sing Anatevka.)
When Stallone was younger and lid’ler
He starred in a production of Fiddler
He couldn’t really sing
But there was a wind ‘neath his wing
In a sassy young jew named Bette Midler
Mickey Rooney was a Joe Hartzler character
When it feels like your life’s in the can
“What, I’m aging?! Gee thanks, Peter Pan.”
Stop asking “God, why?”
Puff your chest up real high
And cry, “I’m a little sunshine man!”
October 2010
2 posts
those who travel to california
Farther westward the caravan goes
Carrying Jim, Ma, Pa, and Sharon’s Rose
Simple folk seek no fame
Just fortune’s fair claim
And wine grapes to squeeze through their toes
scheduling woes
It isn’t the “can’ts” and the “maybes”
It’s the “sures!” that seem to get rabies
Yes, cancel if you must
But now my whole night’s a bust
Why is pouting only OK for babies?
August 2010
2 posts
Lemonade Economics
“Boys, could you be any sweeter?!
But my checkbook does totter and teeter
I know you planned on me buyin’ -
Oh, darlins please don’t start cryin’!”
“But now we don’t have no money eeder!”
ignorance
I admit - I don’t know about sports
Spare me your incredulous snorts
I don’t care, I don’t care
I can’t make myself care
Now excuse me while I eat chocolate tortes
May 2010
4 posts
submitted by Emilia Sweetheart
Meow-scuse me? Don’t pick me up! Ouch!
I’m freaked out, you crazy old grouch.
‘cause there’s a moth on the floor
And a dog fight next door
Now, if you need me, I’ll be inside the couch.
A New Yorker in LA
The lemons are ripe for the pickens
The elderly are surgical spring chickens
But I sure do miss
The smells of bagels and piss
And friends, funnier than the dickens
"Huevos Rancheros" contributed by Michael Kayne
Some mornings I wake in a panic:
Happy then sad—guess I’m manic.
But I’ll settle my mood
After good breakfast food
With eggs that are vaguely Hispanic.
April 2010
5 posts
Michael Kayne
That Michael Kayne is really a stitch!
And he could sing his way out of a ditch
He founded Harry and Conrad,
A most foul-mouthed new dad
How I miss that son of a bitch.
windshield wiper fluid
My windshield was dirty as ferck
Asked a mechanic for help like a jerk
I said, “So, where do I pour?”
“Um, right there?!” then he swore
And goddamn that shit STILL doesn’t work.
my favorite place in LA
when the prozac’s just not getting you through
follow me and do what I do
beyond the rain, beneath the sand
Is a place called Yogurtland
go make a sundae - and leave room for round 2!
the saddest TV
“Quit crying” said the writer to the TV.
“But, Joe, there’s nothing good on me!
What I wish for (sniff) the hardest
Is a script (sob) from an artist.”
Said Joe, “Shh! The Kardashians’re on TMZ!”
though the companies and issues do varry,
it’s in bureaucracy’s factory I tarry
lights and loans, autopay
Gonna to write me a play
And call it, “I am my own Secretary.”
March 2010
13 posts
laugh laugh laugh
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Polly
They’ll confirm - my friends are most jolly
Just watch them goof off
And you’ll laugh til you cough
Then drive home, all alone, melancholy
LA Marathon
I was out for a late morning run
and joined the LA Marathon
If each day I could hear
“Go! Here’s juice!” in my ear
Why I think I could get big things done
ode to Noel Coward #1
It was a party for a friend I adore
There were beauties and shop talk galore
“Well, there’s a meeting tomorrow.
It’s a buyout? What sorrow!”
I couldn’t have liked it more!
contributed by Emilia Sweetheart
THIS is hardly a home
a few toys, a long string, a cat comb?
we play so little, it’s a crime
what d’ya mean, you’ve no time?
Just get up and stop writing that damn poem!
dear young jill
If I could talk to my kid self a bit
I’d say, in high school you’ll meet people you get
Don’t say sorry for what you’re like
(Oh, FYI - you’re no dyke)
And your smart, but you’re also full of shit.
Tattle's taddle prattle
Mrs. Tattle was over for tea
And the topic of gossip was me
She said everyone knew
My lovers hid in my flew
I lit a match and said, “Fiddle dee dee.”
at a circus office party
The drunk pony cornered the old quail
“Gert, I’m searching for the most holy grail:
Just one night with the crowd
Where I leave feeling proud.
Tell me why, bird, is my ego so frail?”
bully pulp
Said the bully to red-headed Doug,
“‘sThat opera?” Doug gave a shrug.
He became a great tenor
but that day in September
His face got smushed in like a pug.
contributed by Jean Higgins (my stepmother)
Today I dragged myself to PT:
“Point your toes! Stretch your back! Bend your knee!”
But, alas, my flexibility is waning
And I just can’t stop this complaining.
Will I ever rediscover my chi?
OK, your Dad threw down the gauntlet
His new poem, he did flaunt it.
I have no new poems to submit;
Everything I write sounds like shit.
So, tomorrow, I’ll try a new rhyme scheme.
note to self
hear me out - i know you’re annoyed
but day old coffee will not fill the void
drinking tar - incorrect!
where is your self-respect?
uphold your standards even when unemployed
contributed by Dan Donnelly (my dad)
In the city of Angels lives an actress comic Whose stage shows evokes laughter atomic. Fears her dad in his fifties, “Comedy used to be clean and nifty. Now the stuff on TV is just gastronomic!”
parabola
i’ll say it without compunction:
i am bathed in mathematical unction
amidst TI-83 noise
i now declare (with great poise)
“just one output? that beith a fuction!”
February 2010
16 posts
5 year lag
waiting has come at a cost
but fate’s dice have already been tossed
not getting any younger
but i’ll stave off my hunger
and i’ll be ready when i finally watch LOST
contributed by Devin Norik
LA can be horribly sunny, Can promise you jobs and good money, So best friends move away, and provoke me to say, God damn it do I miss Jill’s funny.
mitzie
mitzie, you’re a sloppy dumb wench
you thought a knife did the job of a wrench?!
your brain is like puddy
and now your new dress is bloody
take a lesson from cousin johno, the mensch
running
running can be such a thrill
i’m power-legged, angry-strong jill
never been good at sports
but in my mom’s spandex shorts
i’ll trot trot till i get up that hill
contributed by Devin Norik
A white hot, a red hot or burger
mac salad, and french fries will murder
your heart if not careful.
but with coffee mugs too full
Jill and Devin hang late in Roch’ster
contributed by Amy Flanagan
So you want contributions to your blog? Be ware what you wish for (menacing fog) For my mood is not cheery It is more dark and dreary Like the potion: eye of newt, leg of frog
Don’t worry, I’m just sick—hence my mood I wouldn’t want my limerick to sound rude You see, I have a little flu And a soar throat too It has nothing to do with unemployment
emilia
my cat is as fat as a boar,
or an raincloud, or old Michael Moore
she is full like stuffed crepes
or a sack of hot grapes
I will squeeze her until she learns to like it, goddamnit.
glass ball
i had a glass ball that i hurled.
in the wind it shattered and curled.
a piece in New York - now I’m frantic -
wait, one’s across the Atlantic!
my heart is scattered round the world.
6 tags
lookalittlelike
vould you mind giving me little chelp
i lookink for private eye on yelp
to find my brozzer, Mike
- a smart, funny tike -
a combo between Spitzer and Phelp
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
feelings
this morning, i met my new shrink
to help me figure out what i think
she thinks pastelles
will help me get well
turns out there’s deep meaning in pink
3 tags
CNN
my baby is sweet as a spritzer
in that blue suit - ooh, he is fit, sir!
that rogue tells me what’s up
in Iraq in Europe
kiss me baby, my love, my Wolf Blizter
January 2010
1 post
About
I’m Jill Donnelly and I’m an actress and improviser living in Los Angeles. If we met at a dinner party, here’s what you’d find out: I’m from Rochester, NY, I went to Oberlin College and I love dessert. When I’m not writing limericks, I’m usually somewhere around the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Here’s another website all about it:...